High On Sugar
by Depressed Psychos
Summary: What happens when you lock the Cullens up with the Flock? Add some wizards and some obssed fans and a lots of sugar? This is what you get!
1. RemoveFangsShirtInator!

Ruby

Lyndsey

Taylor

Fang

Max

Angel

Nudge

Gasman

Fred & George Weasley

Edward

Bella

Jacob

Emmett

Chapter 1

Ruby: Lyndsey!!!! I'm bored!!!

Lyndsey:Sooooo???

Ruby:I am in desperate need of something Maximum Ride related

Lyndsey:I still don't get you

Ruby: PLEASE fetch me my picture of Fang so I can gaze at his 8 pack

Lyndsey: ...Eeew. Face it Ruby he doesn't have an 8 pack

Ruby: Do to!

Lyndsey: Do not!

Ruby: Do not!

Lyndsey: Do to!...Hey you cheated!!

Ruby: Sooo???

Lyndsey: Oh forget it!! Hey how about you just capture the Flock and keep them as captives so you can forever stare at Fang??

Ruby:EUREKA!!! Lyndsey you are a genius!!

Lyndsey: I know

Ruby: It would give me an excuse to use my remove-fangs-shirt-inator!!!! And my indestructable cagey thingy!!!

Lyndsey: Remove-Fangs-Shirt-Anator??? I don't even want to know.

Ruby: Mwahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!

Lyndsey: *Mutters to herself* Troubled child...

1 Hour Later~

Lyndsey: ITS READY!!!

Ruby: Why are you so excited?

Lyndsey: 2 reasons my little obssesed friend. No.1- You let me invite vampires-

Ruby: IF I could invite Jacob

Lyndsey: -Yes Ruby now as I was saying. No.2 I want to prove that Fang doesn't have an 8 pack. I don't even think thats possible..

Ruby: DON'T INSULT MY FAVOURITE BIRD-KIDS 8 PACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lyndsey: ...

Ruby: Thats what I thought

Angel: Where are we?

Rubys Evil Minian: The land of milk and cookies!

Ruby: Don't give her any more sugar, K?

Lyndsey: But thats whats you named your bedroom

Ruby: NOT MY BEDROOM!!! THE LAND OF MILK AND COOKIES!

Lyndsey: Yeh whatever

Ruby: Now time to get the sparkly people and the big doggy

*Edward, Bella, Jacob & Emmett appear out of nowhere*

Ruby, Lyndsey, Nudge all sqeal like the little fan-girls they are

Lyndsey: Edward!!! Over here!!! OME OME OME OME!!!!

Ruby: ZOMF, E & J!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nudge: I'm hyper-ventilating!!!

Fang: ZOMF, E & J???

Ruby: H-h-h-he spoke t-to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fang:...Yeh

Ruby: ZOMF, E & J!!!

Lyndsey: It means Oh My Fang, Edward and Jacob

Fang: What does the Z mean??

Nudge:It doen't mean anything it just makes it sound cool

Fang & Jacob:...Ok

Nudge: Max i'm bored!!!

Max: Ssssh Nudge!!!

Ruby: Don't worry, we have entertainment!!!

Max: Thats what I was worried about...

Lyndsey: Do we??

Ruby: Yes Lyndsey we do. For the first act of the evening....*drumroll*...I'M GONNA SING!!!!!!!!!

Jacob: Ooh Ooh whatcha gonna sing!!

Ruby: That is a surprise my little doggy pal.....*Clears throat*...LYNDSEY!!!

Lyndsey: Do I have to?? Oh fine. I present to you the great Rubini

Ruby: This is a very emotional song for me. I wrote it for Fred. Fred Fredburger

Edward: ...Who??

Emmett & Iggy: HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW WHO FRED FREDBURGER IS!!!! HE IS MY HERO!!!!

Ruby: Thank you guys.I've finally found someone who understands me. *Sniff* Will you sing this song with me please.

Emmett: *crying* With pleasure. *To Edward* See Eddy, i'm not different!

Iggy: *crying* *to Max & Fang* See, someone sees I have true potential!

Lyndsey, Fang, Max & Edward *Sighs and shake heads*

Emmett:  
F is for Friends who do stuff together.  
U is for You and me.  
N is for Anywhere and anytime at all.

Ruby:  
Down here in the deep blue sea!

Iggy:  
F is for Fire that burns down the whole town.  
U is for URANIUM...BOMBS!  
N is for No survivors when you're-

Ruby & Emmett:  
Iggy! Those things aren't what fun is all about!  
Now, do it like this,  
F is for Friends who do stuff to-

Iggy:  
Never! That's completely idiotic!

Emmett:  
Here, Let me help you...  
F is for friends who do stuff together.  
U is for You and me, TRY IT!

Iggy:  
N is for Anywhere and anytime at all.

Ruby:  
Down here in the deep blue sea!

Iggy:  
Wait...I don't understand ...I feel all tingly inside...  
Should we stop?

Emmett:  
No! That's how you're supposed to feel!

Iggy:  
Well I like it! Lets do it again!

Spongebob: Okay!

Iggy, Ruby & Emmett  
F is for Frolic through all the flowers.  
U is for Ukelele.  
N is for Nose picking, chewing gum, and sand licking.  
Here with my best buddies!.

Iggy, Ruby & Emmett  
Down in the deep blue sea.

Jacob: Was..was that..Spongebob Squarepants???

Lyndsey: Sadly..Yes. You see what I have to put up with everyday. Its a whole lot worse when shes high on sugar. *Shudders*

Ruby: Brain wave!!! Time to use my remove-fangs-shirt-inator!!!  
Lyndsey: Does that work on **any** boy???  
Ruby: Yes  
Lyndsey: Mwahahahahahahahahahaha!!!  
Ruby: *Joins In evil laugh* What are we laughing about???  
Lyndsey: *whispers in Rubys ear*  
Ruby: You are an evil girl. I like it! I think I've rubbed off on you!!  
Edward: Cos thats all we need!  
Ruby: Lyndsey would you do the honours?  
Lyndsey: Of course! *Pushs buttons on remove-Fangs-shirt-inator*


	2. ZOMFE & J

CHAPTER 2

Fang and Edward: *Screaming like little girls* What have you done????

Ruby: Mhuhahaha *really good evil laugh*

Lyndsey: Heehee *really bad evil laugh*

Ruby: You need to work on that, my friend.

Lyndsey: *Looks insulted*

Taylor: *Who has just walked into The Land of Milk and Cookies*Hey guys, whatcha doing?

Ruby and Lyndsey: Turn round.

Taylor: *Turns* My dream has come true. How did you do it??!!*hugs Bella*

Edward: Hey. Hands off.

Bella: Aww, but I like him.

Taylor: Who's laughing now.

Edward: Grrrr *Throws Ruby's books on ground*

Ruby, Lyndsey and Taylor: Hey. How dare you hurt books.*All three jump at Edward*

Jacob:* Who has been oddly silent* Go mortals.

Fang: Go Edward

Emmett Gimme a M, Gimme an O, Gimme a R, Gimme a T, Gimme an A-

Bella: Emmett we get it. You're cheerleading for the book loving psychos.

Emmett: You bet I am *starts doing a random dance with imaginary pom poms*

Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, Carlisle and Esme appear out of nowhere

Lyndsey: Uh oh, We're over maximum capacity, you know what that means.

Ruby: Yeh, Someone-

Fang and the bird kids disappear

Ruby: NOOOOO. Fangy come back.

Lyndsey: It's ok, he'll come back later. Just make the most of what we have now.

Jasper: Ooh, bed. I wanna jump on it. *starts jumping on bed*

Alice: This is what happens when he's around hyper people.

Carlisle: Jasper, down.

Jasper: Alice, jump with me.

Alice:.....

Emmett: I'll jump.

Rosalie: No you won't.

Emmett: Waahh

Jasper: Waaahhh

Alice: *whispers something in Jaspers ear*

Everyone: *stares at her blankly*

Jasper: Cool.

Harry potter and the Weasleys appear out of nowhere

Carlisle, Esme, and Rose disappear

Fred and George: Wow

Ginny: Where are we?

Ruby, Lyndsey and Taylor: The Land of Milk and Cookies

Fred: Cookies? Where? I want cookies. Give me cookies.

Mr Weasley: Fred-no George-wait, which one are you?

Fred: George

George: Yeh and I'm Fred

Mr Weasley: Well, you're not getting cookies. Remember I banned you from treats after you pulled that prank last week.

Fred: But we're in The Land of Milk and Cookies.

Mrs Weasley: George, listen to you're father.

Fred: What sort of parents are you. I'm Fred.

Jacob:*Using his good sense of smell* Ooh another werewolf.* Points at Lupin*

Tonks: Hey, what's the book with the freaky apple on the front???

Lyndsey: Twilight by Stephanie Meyer. It is by far the best book in the universe.

Ruby: Second best. You forgot Maximum Ride.

Lyndsey: In my mind it's the best.

Tonks: Book with flower?

Ruby: New Moon.

Tonks: Ribbon?

Lyndsey: Eclipse.

Tonks: Weird chess pieces???

Taylor: Breaking Dawn.

Tonks: Can I borrow them?

Ruby: As long as you treat them like humans.

Tonks:*In a scared tone* Right.

Edward: *Who is still trapped under Ruby, Lyndsey and Taylor* Do NOT take them. I knocked her books on the floor and look where I am now.

Tonks: Oh. *Drops books*

Ruby, Lyndsey and Taylor: NOOOOOO. You fool.

Tonks: Uh oh *Runs out of room*

Sirius: Just wait, she might fall down the stairs. Especially at that speed.

There is a loud bang

Tonks: OW

Sirius: What did I say?*leaves room to check on Tonks*

Mad-Eye: I'll go too.*Leaves room*

Lupin: Anyway, I want to talk to Jacob about the fact he is not a werewolf.

Harry: Hmm, I am clearly not being involved in any of your wacky conversations so I'm going to the Three Broomsticks.*Apparates out of room*

Ginny, Hermione and the Weasleys follow closely behind.

Jacob: *Who seems to not have noticed anyone leave*I am a werewolf.

Lupin: No, you are a shape shifter.

Alice: Ha, Aro was right!

Jasper: Yay!!! *Jumps off bed and hits head of wall*Oow

Edward: You go play with that clumsy girl who fell down the stairs.

Jasper: NOOO!!!!!Me no like her.

Jacob: I am a werewolf * explodes into flames of anger*

Lupin: Werewolves don't do that.


	3. SUGAR!

Chapter 4 or 5

Ruby: JAKEY!!! COME BACK!!! *Lunges at Lupin*

Lupin: *Squeels like a little girl in terror*

Ruby: YOU-KILLED-MY-ONE-TRUE-LOVE!!!!!!

*Fang appears*

Fang: I thought I was your one true love?

Edward: No. I'm her one true love. Right.

Ruby: GROUP HUG!!!

Lyndsey: Did you have sugar?

Ruby: No. Who said I had any sugar. Where is this sugar?

Lyndsey: *Sighs and shakes her head* I never mentioned sugar.

Ruby: Kay!

Fang: I feel for you. She is a seriously troubled girl. *Shudders*

Lyndsey: Tell me about it.

Ruby: *Praying to the God of Fictional Characters. G.F.C for short* Dear God of Fictional Characters, please please please bring Jakey back. Also bring me a big big big bag of SUGAR!!! Amen P.S Please.

Big booming voice from the sky: CHOOSE ONLY ONE!

Ruby: Jakey. Sugar. Jakey. Sugar. Jakey...SUGAR!!!

Big booming voice from the sky: You have selected...SUGAR!

Ruby: Yey...Aaw...Yey...Aaw...YEY!!!

Lyndsey: ZOMFE & J!!! Ruby what would "Jakey" say?

Ruby: He would be happy! He LOVES sugar!!!

Bella: No he doe-

Ruby: Bella kindly go away as you are clearly not wanted here.

Edward: HEY!

Fang: Well she isn't.

Bella: Hmph!!! *Explodes into cookies*

Ruby:EEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Everybody pounces for a cookie*

*A big big big bag of sugar attached to a parachute appears at Rubys feet*

*Ruby picks it up, runs to the corner and starts eating it*

Lyndsey: *Looks shell-shocks*

Ruby: *Finishes bag of sugar, SUPER-HYPER!* Jakey...Sugar!! XENOPHOBIA!!!!!!!

Jasper: OOH!!! OOH!!! Whats Zen-O-Phobia???

Ruby: A FEAR OF FOREIGN PEOPLE AND STRANGERS!!!!

Emmett: Wow. Cool!!! *Finally realising that Rosalie has left starts jumping up and down on the bed*

*Ruby and Jasper join him*  
Jasper: Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ruby:Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Emmett: Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Edward: *Mutters to himself* One bag of sugar!

Lyndsey: You don't even want to know what Rubys like at Hallowe'en *Thinks about it and shudders*

Edward: *Reading her mind* *Shudders*

Lyndsey:When the sun shines, we'll shine together  
Told you I'll be here forever  
Said I'll always be a friend  
Took an oath I'ma stick it out till the end  
Now that it's raining more than ever  
Know that we'll still have each other  
You can stand under my umbrella  
You can stand under my umbrella  
(Ella ella eh eh eh)  
Under my umbrella  
(Ella ella eh eh eh)  
Under my umbrella  
(Ella ella eh eh eh)  
Under my umbrella  
(Ella ella eh eh eh eh eh eh)  
When the sun shines, we'll shine together  
Told you I'll be here forever  
Said I'll always be a friend  
Took an oath I'ma stick it out till the end  
Now that it's raining more than ever  
Know that we'll still have each other  
You can stand under my umbrella  
You can stand under my umbrella  
(Ella ella eh eh eh)  
Under my umbrella  
(Ella ella eh eh eh)  
Under my umbrella  
(Ella ella eh eh eh)  
Under my umbrella  
(Ella ella eh eh eh eh eh eh)  
When the sun shines, we'll shine together  
Told you I'll be here forever  
Said I'll always be a friend  
Took an oath I'ma stick it out till the end  
Now that it's raining more than ever  
Know that we'll still have each other  
You can stand under my umbrella  
You can stand under my umbrella  
(Ella ella eh eh eh)  
Under my umbrella  
(Ella ella eh eh eh)  
Under my umbrella  
(Ella ella eh eh eh)  
Under my umbrella  
(Ella ella eh eh eh eh eh eh)  
ZOMF, E & J!!!

Edward: What?

Lyndsey:Their hyperness is rubbing off on me!!!

Edward: What can we do?

Lyndsey: Call in...*Cue drumroll* THE ASYLUM GUYS!!!


	4. The Legendary Asyum Guys

Chapter 4

Alice: Don't say the A word around me!!!

Lyndsey: Why not???

Alice: You clearly did not read the books properly. Anyway who are the A****m guys?

Ruby: How can you not know who the asylum guys are. They are legendary, they will be offended!!! *Pulls out mobile and starts dialling* *Whispering* Yes, yes, NO WAY!!!!*Hangs up*

Door opens and three guys walk in.

Henry/Asylum guy 1: The asylum guys have arrived.

Alice: AAAAAAHHHHHH *Explodes into confetti*

Jasper: NOOOO*Disappears*

Neil/asylum guy 2: Cookies*runs to cookies/Bella's remains which are lying on the floor

Calum/Asylum Guy 3: *sighs* Anyway, what are we needed for?

Lyndsey: I'm becoming hyper and I need a way to calm down.

Calum: How about a giant game of truth or dare?

Everyone: Yeh!!!!* They start discussing who goes first*

Ruby: Great idea. It's a shame the other fictional characters aren't here. God of Fictional Characters, bring back all who have disappeared (or exploded!!). Oh, and another bag of sugar.

GFC: Choose only –

Lyndsey and Calum: NO sugar!

GFC: Yeh, wasn't gonna give her anymore anyway.

All who have disappeared or exploded that Ruby, Lyn and Taylor like appear out of nowhere

Ruby: Jakey, you're back.

Jacob: I was NOT happy you choose sugar over me.

Ruby: Oh well.

Everyone sits in a large circle

Neil: Ooh, me first

Henry: Ok who wants to say it?

Alice: MEEEEE!!! Truth, dare, double dare, kiss, cuddle or command?

Neil: Hmm… um…COMMAND

Alice: I command you to open the window!!

Ruby: That's not really challenging.

Alice: HOW DARE YOU INSULT MY COMMAND. JASPER COME. *disappears… again*

Jasper: *follows*

Neil: Ok someone else.

Ruby: I dare you to open the window and-

Neil: Opening the window is not a dare.

Ruby: You didn't let me finish. Open the window, lean out and scream that you don't want to die.

Neil: Sure * Does what she said*

Someone in the street: Weirdo.

Everyone: HaHaHa.

All remaining Cullens: We must leave. *Disappear*

Only the flock, Jacob and Harry potter gang remain.

Harrys little gang: So do we *Disappear*

Only the flock and Jacob remain.

The flock: Yeh, we're gonna go too. *Disappear*

Jacob: Well I wanna cuddle someone. That's what I choose.

Calum: I dare you to cuddle Henry.

Jacob: NOO! I want to cuddle her. *points at Lyndsey*

Lyndsey: No. I don't like you.

Ruby: What? *Tries to explode. She cant* How did they do that?

The boys: HaHaHa

Jacob: You don't like me?

Lyndsey: I do. I just prefer other fictional persons.

Jacob: *In tears* I- I j-just do-don't believe a t-t-twilight fan do-doesn't l-like m-me.*Walks out of room* Goodbye. Perhaps I will forgive you one day.

Lyndsey: Hmm, all fictional persons are gone. What do we do now?

Asylum guys: See ya. *Leave*

Taylor: Yeh I'd better head home. *Leaves*

Ruby and Lyndsey: *Shrug*

Lyndsey: Well then, let's finish truth or dare.


	5. High on Trees?

The next day…

Ruby and Lyndsey are sitting in Ruby's bedroom, Lyndsey typing a fanfiction, Ruby wearing cat slippers.

Ruby: I'm so glad I contributed to this fanfiction.

Lyndsey: *Looks at Ruby who is sitting doing her art homework*.

Ruby: *Looks up to see Lyndsey glaring at her* what?

Lyndsey: Die in hell.

Ruby: Technically, to be in hell, you're already dead, so the correct term is actually "Rot in hell".

Lyndsey: Ok, rot in hell.

Ruby: *Starts crying*

Lyndsey: Haha!

Ruby: DIE IN HELL!

Lyndsey: HYPOCRITE!

Ruby: I LOVE YOU!

Lyndsey: I HATE YOU!

Ruby: I LOVE YOU T- WHAT? *Starts crying again* WHY?

Lyndsey: *Shrugs and answer mobile, which is singing Airplanes* Mum says I'm to go home now, wanna walk down with me?

Ruby: *Stops crying and rocking back and forth on the bed like a demented child (which she actually is, don't tell her)* Okey cokey. *leaves house still in slippers*.

Lyndsey: Um, Ruby, shoes?

Ruby: These are hard soled!

Lyndsey: They're giant cats on top of your feet, get changed!

Ruby: NO! *Skips out of the gate, lalala-ing, stopping every so often to sniff a car*

So, despite Lyndsey's protests, Ruby walked to Lyndsey's house three blocks away in the slippers.

Lyndsey: *Sighs* Why am I friends with that freak?

Ruby: *pins Lyndsey to wall, holding an imaginary knife to her neck* Who is this OTHER FRIEND? The "freak"?

Lyndsey: Uh…

Ruby: Good enough for me. *Starts skipping along again*.

They reach Lyndsey's house, and they dramatically say goodbye, Ruby bursting into tears as Lyndsey walks inside.

Lyndsey's mum: Freak child.

Ruby starts to walk home, the slippers become uncomfortable when she starts walking on gravel, so she takes them off.

Ruby: *Looking at clock on phone* Hmm, still got a while 'til I gotta be home, so… PRETTY FLOWERS! *Ruby runs to some strangers flower bed, sniffing flowers and becoming high*

Ruby… again: Ooh, a hidden forest! *Runs into the trees and starts rolling on the ground*

Some emo in a bush: … And I thought I was weird *looks down at his wrists* Life sucks when you're no longer the weirdest *Pulls out pen knife and starts to cut himself*

Some rapist in another bush: That girl is so messed up I don't need to do anything to her. Hmm, must come from an unstable household.

Ruby: Ooh, a tree. *Licks a random tree* YUMMY! *Goes around licking every tree*

Emo and rapist: Wow…

Ruby: *Starts sniffing the air* I smell my dinner! *Runs home in her socks, wanting her steak pie* YUMMY! Hmm, I wanna eat trees for dessert!

Her family: ...

Ruby: Yeh…

Meanwhile…

Lyndsey's mum: That Ruby's a bit… *looking for the right word* mentally challenged.

Lyndsey: Yeh…

Meanwhile… again…

Ruby is jumping on the couch after licking the magical trees in her garden. Her family is very confused.

Meanwhile again… again…

The asylum guys are all together, trying to contact Ruby, who is still high on trees. They are also confused. Her new "leave a message" thing is now "TREES, TREES, LOVELY TREES".

Back at the magic forest…

Emo: *Lying on the ground, oh no, he's dead!*

Rapist: Heh heh, new victim.

This is getting disturbing so we're gonna leave it there.

Ruby has calmed down a bit and her parents have let her out of the dogs cage. She is walking past the pub near her house, where lots of ugly guys are watching football.

Ruby:*Trying to look through the window* Damn, too short. Let's try something…

Ruby runs back to her house, returning wearing her brothers clothes, a fake moustache and holding a fake ID. She walks into the pub.

Ruby: *In a deep voice* Hello, I'm DEFINITELY not underage. I- *She realizes that the ugly men in the pub are actually the Cullens and they are staring at the freak in the doorway.* YOU CAME BACK!

Jacob: Yeh… Does your friend love me yet?

Ruby: NOPE! HUGGLES, JAKEY POO?

Jacob: NO WAY, YOU'RE A BOY!

Ruby: It's not real, even I'm not that stupid.

Emmett: Really?

Jacob: Well, how'd you get the moustache?

Ruby: It's fake… *whispering* ok… he's dumb

Emmett: SWEET!

Edward: Jacob, it is a FAKE moustache. Y'know, I thought Emmett and Ruby were dumb, but sheesh, dude.

Ruby and Emmett: WE'RE NOT DUMB! * They start to come up with a plot to kill Edward*

Lyndsey walks into the pub.

Jacob: YAY! MY TRUE LOVE HAS RETURNED!

Lyndsey: Crap *turns and walks away*

Jacob: YAY! WE'RE GOING ON A DATE! WAIT FOR ME, MY LOVE!

Lyndsey: *Shouting* GO AWAY YOU FREAK!

Jacob: I FORGIVE YOU FOR HATING ME THOUGH!

Jasper: Give up Jake, you have me. *Using his odd, odd, ODD gift* You love me now.

Jacob: I do, LET'S MAKE OUT! *they start to make out in the corner*

Ruby: Aw, I always wanted a gay friend!

Jacob and Jasper: WE'RE NOT YOUR FRIENDS!

Ruby: Sheesh, just saying…

In the magical forest…

The rapist is on the ground giving the emo CPR

Emo: *Wakes up* WHAT THE… WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?

Rapist: Well, I wanted to rape someone, but they couldn't be dead, 'cause that's just SICK dude, SICK!

Emo: Sure…


End file.
